Usually I’m able to get out of bed, put on my clothes, put on a face, and pretend that everything is great. That I don’t have a chronic diseases and that I’m not in some kind of pain 24/7. However, today is not one of my brave days. My body feels like it keeps on being stabbed and it won’t stop. I keep on having muscle trembles which are not painful physically, but hurt me mentally. I’m exhausted physically and mentally. The last straw for me was when I got a test back and the score was less then desirable. I just cracked. Got back to my room and started crying. Crying because of the pain that just won’t seem to stop, because I’m now in charge of paying for my medical expenses as well as cell phone bill, because of the headache that has been on and off since Saturday, because that subject isn’t strong for me and I struggle with it everyday. Today is my “fuck it all I’m staying in” kind of day. I’m sorry, but everyone deserves it, weather you’re sick or not. Luckily the 3 day weekend is coming up and I’m going home! I haven’t seen my doggy since August! Hopefully going home for the weekend will give me the reboot that I so need to come back to school on Tuesday!

This entry was published on October 9, 2014 at 4:34 pm. It’s filed under health, illness and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “Defeated

  1. I hope going home gives you the energy you need to come back to school and thrive. I am sorry your having a “Fuck it all I’m staying in” Kind of day. Sometimes we just have to listen to our body’s and drop everything we are doing and rest. Just rest, seeing your doggy will most definitely help, I know seeing my dog always helps me.


  2. You are not alone. Those of us that struggle with Fibro often feel separated from the rest of the masses but together we number in the millions.


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